Hamari Adhuri Kahani ( the incomplete story)

Hamari Aduri kahani
Our incompltete story ....
A depressing start ...


Certain dialogues in the movie created a spark .
As girls we are told to be like goddess Sati or Sita ..... Nobody talks about Radha ... But Radha is worshipped with Lord Krishna always . When are you going to be Radha ?

Most of times , we girls are strangled in the locks of relationships , playing different roles of the day ... we forget our desires. After all we do have desires not just men

Mere mang tumahrae naam ke sindhoor
mere gala  tumharae naam ka mangalsutra
Mere kaliyain tumhara naam ke choodi
Mere kok ,mere dooth , mere khoon par bacha pe  tumhara naam
mere naam ka tumhara pas kya hain ?


This is a feminist perspective .. Our kerala culture was more of a modern culture where girls from the Nair society were given more status than men . I am blessed to be born in this state , but things are changing here . We are being treated as a commodity. I don't like the new change . We are regressing .If the ladies are respected , the nation will progress . When it is comes to mother, people shower their respects ,but when it is a wife  , the respect just flies out of  the window .

Coming back to the movie, I was awestruck by the performances of Emran Hasmi , vidya balan and Rajkumar . Something which intrigued me is the relationship between the characters of  Emran and Vidya in the movie .

Rajkumar tries to show his love by suffocating her in the ties of tradition , completely unaware about the desires of a woman. He thinks  keeping his woman under him is the key of a successful marriage
Emran here portrays selfless love , even though he knows they cant be together. He goes ahead and saves vidya's marriage. The passion is so strong that he cant bear the pain  in the eyes of his lady love. Vidya is a confused soul who battles between the traditions followed over centuries and the selfless man  who has taught her  the meaning of true love.

God plays a cruel trick on these love birds . Emran dies , and years after his death ..... the ashes of vidya are scattered by Rajkumar in the same place where Emran died ..... they are reunited ...


The love Emran emotes in the movie is truly outstanding .There are lot of emotions conveyed through his eyes .I ponder whether any man can show such a selfless act to the woman they love or the other way around . I always feel that sparks dies when the man pushes himself into her. There comes a point of realisation in women's life whether was it all worth it. I guess both are in a ditch, a deep ditch where their legs are pulled down by the norms of the society , kids  and n number of reasons ,trying to breathe  harder to survive .....

The adolescence love is the only time where our emotions were real
When we step into this real world , emotions take a back seat and we take desperate measure to meet the ends .... Somewhere along the way whole purpose of life is lost

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love

This is a movie I have recently watched and kept me thinking  ....

The main guy was a homosexual  and was murdered in  the vicinity of Chicago streets . Three people love lives entwined  and they wanted to find their true meaning of their lives. A pretty simple story ....

This quote just struck me ...
" I have sex with other men ,but I sleep with you "

This sentence what does it  actually mean... If you dissect it ...what it does it say ?
Sex is nothing to do with love .... For people , it is just an act to satisfy their bodies
It is just mere biology.Does it satisfy your soul ?.... is often a question that we need to put forward

I sleep  with you .....
Even though we don't have sex with each other ..
I lay next to you in peace
It satisfies my soul ... deals with emotions 
I love you  and I don't ask anything in return


Unconditional love  does it really exists?
Everybody has their conditions put forward
Even  between a mother and baby , it is never  unconditional .
A mother craves for the baby to love her back
Between  partners whether it be husband and  wife or boy friend and girlfriend
or just friends , there are always conditions attached to any kind of relationship.

Can humans be selfless so as to portray something like this ...
We all are social beings
How can give so much time and energy without expecting anything back
Even when you do a piece of charity , you expect the other person for a
simple word such as " Thank you " .... just to make your day
can we deal with something that we give away everything back to the society
and expect nothing in return ?
can we live like that ???
Something to think about ....

I was actually hooked to Greys anatomy for quite sometime . I used to religiously watch it and I guess most women do . This episode where Mr Dreamy dies, I couldn’t control my emotions I had to pen it down .

 

Blue scrubs and white gloves,Smiling at me .

Played with scalpels and chisels,A thousand times .

Draped into the scrubs, my beautiful bride

Have spent our moments,inside those doors,

Shared our joys and tears,Under these ceilings

This place , my second home.

 

Yet, sudden fear creeps in .

Lights flashing on my eyes , Barely I can see,

Never imagined the state I am in ,

Surrounded by strange faces,

Wearing blue and white ,Which once belonged to me

Searching for my lovers smile, Wishing she was near

Barely can I move or  utter , Brain still active as ever

Red ponied lady strongly arguing,

My hope to survive clings on to her

Overrides her descion ,Her mentor ……

I scream inside out .No one seems to hear

Closing my eyes,thinking about the beauty

Back home, I sighed.

Tears rolled down my cheeks

Darling, will be there in your thoughts

Pray you will survive the loss

Wishing to cuddle you One last time,

Feel your tender lips against mine

feel your Warm breath  besides mine

No one can deny reality ,Clock ticking by 

Dying to say "You will always be  mine"The very last time

The Kin

All of you ready to turn back the wheel of time and have a walk down memory lane with me? The lane in Thycaud that we have all tread so much,to the house with its small gate and huge walls and the steps leading down to the entrance? Want to feel the jasmine leaves brush your face once more as you run down those steps? Want to see the bright red shoeflowers in their full glory or the tiled roof which had been such a relief in the blazing summer heat and such a source of joy for us to run over or the dark interiors of the house which has saved us from many reprimands of the elders,for all our wrong doings.The house which has heard our laughters, our cries and shouts, seen our silent tears and shared our joy. All of us are now in different corners of the world with new roofs above our heads and new walls to hear our cries and share our joys, with new people in our lives.But one last time, let us all go back to being those nasty little brats and relive those days,once again in that house....our HOME. I am not sure if I have done full justice to our happy memories, in these few words.

Traces of imprints on the sand .

Washed away by the gushes of water .

Entered a new walk of life ,

Let go , the memories .

Closing my eyes, I see the unseen .

My home , My sweet dwelling !!

Synagogue in our hearts.

Wild group of six , the secret seven ,

Not to forget my best buddy "Taffy".

 Wagging his tail,welcoming me to the kin .

Going down the stairs ,

Echoes of screams barging in my ears,

 the laurels and forfeits.

Continuing the stroll,

 the craggy maroon sofa ,

Tolerating the tortures of thy group .

Portrait of the lady , Staring at a familiar face

"My Achen's" (Grandfather)great easy chair ,

Files arranged in sequence ,

Narrating tales of Our Dream House .

Unknowingly, the place where I stood ,

Was the Undiscovered edifice .

Gossips together with the raucous of dump box ,I stoop .

Elders engaged in cliche prattle .

Bedrooms loaded with scions .

Dusk has made her entrance ,

Chants, lamps lit , fills the decor.

Moving forward ,

MyAmma(Grandma),Sitting on the neatly placed bed ,

Applying tobacco on the betel leaf ,

 Ordering the maid to feed the cattle .

Still remember the words she uttered ,

"Humane to feed the voiceless creatures".

 Clock ticks 9 !!Marching of litter ,

Feast awaiting!! Each mouth fed in turns ,

 Still engrossed in our amusing talks .

Witnessing the songs I sang ,

the studded skies ,the stairs ,

"My buddy " besides me .

 Tales untold and Crux Unfold ,

Laughter, joy , petty quarrels ,

Comprises my sweet vineyard .

 Opening my eyes , barren land ahead of me .

 Debris here and there ,

 Cant believe it is no more ,

where we took our first steps .

With Deep regret, Bearing my memories ,

 I move on in the new walk of life .

Little deeds

This phrase recently I read just glued to my heart " You should love someone who admires you and not someone you love " . I guess this is biggest lesson we all need to learn . We keep searching for our soul mate  among the stars , while  he might be just holding your hand . You might be spellbound by the glitters of the wand that you brush the very hand aside . As I look at my 3 year old  princess and 6 month old prince, I cant stop to ponder ,in this rat race , will they get lost? At the end of the day , they should be with someone who lends a  shoulder to cry and they should be someone who cares and listens to plight of others. I can sleep peacefully in my death bed with these thoughts in my head .Adieu to the world. The biggest question still remains , How do I raise my little buds to be like that ? The question remain unanswered .

Keeping the smile intact throughout the day , battling  the office poltics and the customers blasting you in a polished manner right on your face.Stressed out I drive back home and shower my frustations on my kids . Guilt kills me. Cant stop my tears when I hug them tightly while they are asleep. A super mom in front of the society flashes her vampire teeth and bloody claws back home. . How do I impart good values to my kids while I am still in a deep ditch .We keep blaming our parents for the person we have become . Ideally , our parents didn't have enough exposure , but what about us? We have information at our finger tips. 10 years from now , my kids are going to blame
me for their bring up . I have been stamped as "Good for nothing " by everybody who has known me their entire life . I can't take it anymore , more than that, I would want my darlings to be the most loving human beings rather than acheving the laurels and the trophies . Respect elders and their partners . Be soft to people who are weak and not to take advantage of the situation . Talk softly ( dont hurt them with your harsh words) and keep a cool head .Love animals unconditionally as if they are your creation . Do a lot fo charity. Spread Greenery . Civic sense a must . Be good citizens by obeying rules. the list is endless.
As I list out all these points , What am I doing ?? At this tender age ,kids look at you as their role models . At the early 30's I need to make a change , it is not impossible , Practise!! thats
all matters . I hope and pray to the God almighthy , even if I leave this wonderland , my sweet little saplings grows up to be a oak tree who shelters  others . In turn , God showers
them  with better halves  and kids who love them unconditionally as  a blessing for the deeds that they have done in their lifetime . Oh I wish I could take a walk in the clouds
where the golden gate opens for my deeds :).

These lyrics have truly inspired me - Song by Carrie Underwood

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,Some bridges burned,
But there were,Lessons learned

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some roads,That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's allLessons learned.

Small Things in Life

Life has changed completely with little Mia coming into our family picture .Each morning I get up with her shrill voice .It starts off from a low pace and ends up at the top of her voice .Puff Puff .... All settled . Somehow I was waiting for my new maid and the agency called up informing me that the maid will not turn up . Since I got some extra time in hand , I was flipping the pages of the book "Who will Cry When I die " by Robin Sharma .There were few points which got engraved on my mind . Simple things . Do an act of kindness everyday and smile often . These are just few small things that we can incooperate in our daily lives . With this agenda on my mind , I headed towards my bus stop . I saw old man wearing the HAL uniform. I approached him with a smile , with due respect asked him whether the bus left . He answered immediately that the bus will come . The two problems in the statement were , I asked him for the wrong bus and asked him in the national languages. I could understand bits and pieces of Kanada , that he was annoyed with the fact that I didn't speak his mother tongue .I do agree with the fact that it was a shame on my part for not knowing the language after being in Bangalore for 5 years . I guess he wanted to blast me and he found a reason that I asked for the wrong bus .I apologised immediately but nothing could stop him .Well this is what he had to say " This is the problem with the new generation ( even though I am little old for the new generation) You are living in the fast world . Nobody has patience .Every body is in the rat race . Everybody wants to be in the top / first rather . You are chasing the light . Why dont you chase the neutrons .It has a better pace compared to light ." I wanted to say to him that I am bit of introvert person . I am putting a lot of effort to talk to strangers . I was taken aback .I couldn't say anything . I turned to other side and those who know me know exactly what I did . Thank God !! the bus came in . I got sometime to get back to my senses . The incident was haunting me , I was thinking over and over again what could I have done better . May be he had a rough day, but it was just 8'0clock in the morning . I hoped on to another bus , stuck in a traffic . I saw lady carrying a small baby .The baby was waving at the bus and smiling innocently . I waved back and passed on a smile . We both were excited . That made my day . I looked back into the bus . All the people were engrossed in their own world . Sometimes we forget to smile and do acts of kindness . Children do teach us a lot of things. Things we tend to deliberately forget .